Holding On
by Poneh and Pony
Summary: How Sonea manages to live without her love. BEING REVISED
1. The First Step to Moving on is Denial

Pony: I am redoing all the chapters! Yay! I couldn't bear the horribleness of them. So anyway, this is sticking true to the end of the book, but not true to the new trilogy that is coming out. Anyway, if you've already read this once, you'll recognize chunks of the chapters, but I'd suggest reading them through again. I added quite a bit. Also, I'm going to attempt to listen to the reviews you darlings gave me. (:

Poneh: We don't own Sonea, Dorrien or any other character in this story. They belong to the wonderful Trudi Canavan.

**Holding On**

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**Chapter 1: The First Step to Moving on is Denial**

Sonea opened her eyes, wishing she hadn't. The previous few days flooded through her, causing her to curl in a ball, wishing to feel him next to her. Even though they had been together such a short time, she still expected to see him wherever she looked. Perhaps it was because, even before she knew him she always looked for him. However, no amount of wishing would bring him back. A weak moan escaped her lips. Her throat was sore from crying and her eyes stung as light filtered in through the window.

"It's time to wake up, Lady Sonea." The servant said fearfully, staying back from the Black Magician. Last time she had touched Sonea to wake her she had nearly received a broken arm. Sonea had apologized profusely and healed the bruises, but Tania was still careful now. She had known Sonea since she first entered the Guild, and the changes in her young mistress distressed her.

Sonea was no longer the young girl from the slums, ignorant of the magicians problems, only looking out for herself. It seemed like overnight, the novice had taken on the weight of the guild. She had sacrificed everything she loved to save the people who were now treating her like a disease. Over the past few days, Magicians had tried to get in to talk to the young black magician, and Tania had resorted to asking Rothen to lock the door and place a ward on it so none could enter uninvited.

Tania didn't know the details of what had happened since Sonea became Akkarin's apprentice. She doubted she would ever understand what had caused the girl to wake up in such a fright that she instinctively lashed out at everyone around her. Whatever it was, Tania could only wait and pray that her mistress would grow to trust the world around her again – if the world around her could accept her.

"Of course, Tania." Sonea sat up, taking the bitter drink from the servant. She felt her senses numbed and felt almost giddy with relief. She didn't know what was in the drink, and truthfully she didn't care. It almost made her feel alive again. When the liquid was gone, she looked up at the servant and nodded.

Tania was holding her new robes. Just a week ago she had felt like an imposter wearing the robes of a full magician. Now it felt odd to don the robes of an apprentice. She was not an apprentice anymore. She would not be attending classes with the rest of her year. What would she do if she was expected to step back into her role as dutiful novice?

She had seen more horror than any of the other magicians. No, that wasn't fair. The Guild Magicians had fought the Ichani without any hope of winning. They had laid their lives at risk just as she had. Many had lost family and friends, brother and sisters, lovers, husbands, and wives. Still, she had given up the most. Only one person had given more than she had, and he was dead.

The robes slipped over her head and she felt the cloth against her skin. Her throat constricted. _Akkarin's Colors…Why did they make me wear them…_ She held back the tears with a slow stream of Healing power. It didn't erase the memory, but at least it eased her sore throat and itchy eyes. Feeling refreshed, she looked at Tania.

"Lord Rothen and Lord Dorrien are here to see you, my lady." She said, smiling at the young magician. "And you do look lovely."

"Thank you, Tania." She regarded the servant carefully. She knew Tania was worried about her, and summoned a smile that she hoped would reassure the woman. It felt more like a grimace, though. She ignored the plate waiting for her on the table and swept out of the room into the entrance room where her old Mentor and his son were waiting.

"You look well, Sonea." Rothen regarded her curiously. She met his eyes briefly before flicking them away.

"Thank you, Rothen." She said quietly, looking at the floor beside his feet. She still felt as if she had betrayed him, even though there had been no other choice. She only hoped he understood that.

"Do you feel well, Sonea?" Dorrien asked. He looked nothing like his scholarly father. Dorrien was tanned and strong from working in his mountain village. _And he gave that up for me…_ She refused to meet his eyes. She knew what she would find if she did. He had never stopped loving her, even after he found out about Akkarin. She could only ever love him as a friend. Would it be enough for him?

"Yes." She looked up at him and managed to squeeze out a smile. He grinned widely in response.

"He would not want you unhappy, Sonea." Dorrien said, walking across the room to sit across from her. Rothen nodded and Sonea's gut clenched. They acted like they knew him. Neither one had been willing to believe him when he spoke at his hearing. They had condemned him and her to exile rather than show any shred of trust. It wasn't fair, though. They had only wanted what was best for her. And even though they hadn't known him, she knew what Dorrien said was true. If he had loved her, he wouldn't want her to be depressed like this.

"I will see you later, Sonea. Dorrien. I have a meeting with the High Lord I'm going to be late for." Rothen strode out of the room._ He looks so old… _Sonea mused. She had only recently noticed his aging features._ Dignified._ She decided instead.

"I believe you spoke to the Higher Magicians the other day?" Dorrien asked when his father had left the room. She nodded, managing to keep eye contact.

"And they said I am to be your instructor? Along with Lady Vinara." She nodded once again. "Unless you'd rather someone else." He said. She smiled again and shook her head. She had been glad that the Head of Healers had still been willing to teach her. Of course, she was just glad she wouldn't be thrown out of the guild with her powers locked. She was a traitor, and would not have resisted. Of course, once she was out in the world again she wasn't sure how long she would be able to survive. She had gotten used to magic.

"It will be nice to have a friend around." She said softly. She reached out and put a hand on his arm. It was good to feel something real again. She had been lost in dreams for too long. "Can we begin today?"

"You're ready already? Are you sure?" His eyes widened. She did not seem to be upset at all. In fact, she looked as she had that day almost two years ago. It was disconcerting, to see her standing before him as if nothing had happened. Tania had warned them that she was a wreck, never leaving her room, eating only enough to keep some semblance of life.

"I'm fine, Dorrien. Why is everyone so worried about me? Besides," She took a few steps back, frowning. "I want to learn how to heal. There's so much pain right now. So, when do we start?"

"Tomorrow. You may think you're fine, but I'm still recovering from a few bruises." He lied. "I'll go speak to the High Lord and Lady Vinara to get the appropriate books." He embraced her tightly, her own arms hanging limp at her side. Instead of letting her go, he held her at arms length, studying her face intently. She blushed and looked away. Sonea knew he was trying to see past her façade, but she wouldn't let that happen.

"What's so interesting?" She asked, pushing his hands aside. She let her eyes meet his with defiance.

"I'm glad you're well, Sonea." He said. He turned abruptly and strode out the door. As soon as she could no longer hear his footsteps, she let the Healing magic stop. She couldn't find the strength to remain standing as tears threatened to consume her. She sank to the floor, one hand resting on the wall and the tears begin to flow down her cheeks.


	2. Healing Lessons

Pony: Here it is. A second chapter. I know this one is VERY short. Live with it.

Poneh: Once again, we do not own Dorrien, Takan, or Sonea. Trudi Canavan owns them all.

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**Healing Lessons**

"Lord Dorrien is here to see you." This time it was Takan who informed her. He had been allowed to stay on as her servant only as long as she never drew power from him.

"Thank you, Takan." She checked the mirror to be sure no sign of sadness could be detected. "Show him in, please." She stood in the middle of the room, a formidable sight to behold. She was small, but she held her head high and her back erect. Her black robes reached to the floor, hiding her bare feet.

"You look well today, Sonea." Dorrien said, setting down the text books he carried.

"Thank you." She said, letting the edges of her mouth turn up. "Shall we begin?"

By the end of the hour, Sonea's head was starting to hurt. He had made her identify hundreds of types of plants and their uses in medicine - only a handful of which were familiar.

"This is making me regret my choice." She said, chuckling lightly.

"You're a natural with the other part. But even you can't Heal everyone in the city." He smiled. "I've left you a few books. I'll see you in two days?" The next day was Freeday. _The second since He died…_ She choked back a sob, instead smiling at Dorrien as he left.

"I have a lot of work to do before then." Resisting the urge to let the small flow of power keeping her from breaking down fall, she reached for the book and started reading.

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Pony: Again, please review!


	3. Old Enemies Or New Friends

Pony: Another short chapter. I think I'll have to start updating every two or three days instead of once a day or else I'll have to write MUCH faster. xD

Poneh: -snort- Anyway, We do not own Regin, Sonea, Takan, or anyone else. They belong to Trudi Canavan.

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**Old Enemy...Or New Friend**

"Is Sonea accepting visitors?" The young man asked. The older servant bowed.

"I will ask, Lord Regin." Takan said. He quietly went in, leaving Regin to wait outside the small room. It had been three weeks since the Ichani had been defeated. He had been busy helping repair the city but Sonea was never far from his mind. _She gave up everything for him…_ Takan came out and opened the door for Regin to enter.

Regin was taken aback by Sonea's presence. She was no longer the young novice he had tormented. She now stood proudly. _She's adopted his manner. _His lips curled at the edges, breaking into a hesitant smile.

"Hello, Regin." She said, grinning slyly. Her voice was strong, not cracked by grief as it had been when she was judged after the Ichani's defeat.

"Sonea." He said, nodding.

"I assume there is a reason for your visit?" She cocked her head towards the table and ambled over to sit at it. He followed her lead and took a seat.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing." He winced. He had seen her with Akkarin and it would take more then a few weeks to get over what they had. To his surprise, she smiled slightly.

"I'm fine, Regin. Really." She smiled at his shocked look. "I can't pine forever. He wouldn't want it." She looked thoughtfully at the ruby ring on her hand. He thought he saw a tear glisten in her eye but when she looked up, she didn't look fazed. "You're not one to care about me. Why now?"

"As I said before, Sonea. You were willing to give up anything for us. And we did nothing to deserve it. I regret my actions." He let out a breath. _There. I said it. _

A wry smile curved Sonea's lips once again. "I forgave you long ago, Regin." She said. "It is nice to know you care, though."

"I do, Sonea." He looked around the room. "Nice place." They fell into an easy conversation and as Regin was leaving, he felt a slight regret he hadn't realized how interesting she was over two years ago.

He looked back at the closing door and smiled. _Perhaps we can still be friends…_

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Pony: I hate how she ended it with nothing between Regin and Sonea. She set it up so they would forgive each other.

Poneh: Please Review. .


	4. Loved Ones

Pony: Sorry it's been so long. This is kind of a side-plot chapter. And short. ;-; Darn short chapters!

Poneh: We don't own Sonea, Tania, or Takan or anyone else mentioned in this story.

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**Loved Ones**

Sobs racked Sonea's body as she lay in her bed. Her lessons had gone well, as had construction on the hospital. For the most part she had taken part in the building, adding the magic she learned from Lord Coren's book. Many of the magicians were amazed by the transformation of stone but it only took one firm glance from her to dissuade any questions.

"Come, Lady Sonea. You must stop crying." Tania fussed over her, trying to get her to sit up and eat the breakfast Takan had prepared.

"She is upset, Tania. Do you know the remedy for a broken heart?" Takan put a hand on Tania's shoulder, drawing her away from the grieving magician. Tania looked at Takan, despair in her eyes.

"I just hate to see her like this." She lowered her voice to a whisper, not wishing to upset the girl on the bed.

"As do I, Tania. But she'll never get better unless she makes the choice herself." Takan smiled at the younger servant.

"I know you're right, but it doesn't make it easy." She sighed and cast another glance at the youngest Black Magician.

"When you love someone, seeing them upset is never easy." He gave her a knowing smile before turning away and exiting the room.

Tania watched him go with a slight smile on her face that was lost on the greiving Magician and the back of the older servant.

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Pony: Just a cute chapter(or so I think. xD) Please read and review. .


	5. Locked Doors

Pony: To make up for the shorter chapters, here's a pretty long one. Important, too.

Poneh: As usual, we don't own Sonea, Balkan, Regin, Vinara, Garrel, Dorrien, or Rothen, or any character I use in my story. They all belong to Trudi Canavan.

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**Locked Doors**

"Are you sure I can be here?" Sonea felt her hand shake as she reached to touch the door leading to the underground room of the High Lord's chamber.

"The door won't open for anyone else." High Lord Balkan said, holding his breath as her fingers touched the door. The door resisted her touch, remaining locked. Balkan let out his breath in a deep sigh.

"So much for that idea." He said. "Thank you, Lady Sonea. You may go." He dismissed her with a wave of his hand and slumped into an armchair. Sonea frowned, her brow wrinkling.

"I'll see if I can think of anything that will open it." She said. He nodded but resign was written over his face. With one last glance, she swept out of the room, leaving nothing but a feeling of coldness behind her.

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"No luck?" Regin asked, falling into step with the smaller magician as she strode through the gardens. 

She shook her head, letting out a sigh. "It wouldn't budge." She looked sideways at Regin. Since he had come to her room, she had taken to confiding in him almost as much as she did Dorrien. Quite a few people had been wary of his motives at first but as time went on, people came to expect them together.

"What about that secret passage?" He asked.

"Caved in during…" Her throat closed and she stifled a sob. Regin glanced over at her, surprised she had let her guard down. It had been close to a month and this was the first time Regin had noticed she was upset. _She's so good at keeping up her guard, I was beginning to wonder if she really cared at all._ A few times he had caught her looking pensively out the window, but never once did she shed a tear.

"Hmmm…Was there a sign of a key or maybe it's…" He gestured, not sure what to call the strange magic she practiced.

"If it was, He never mentioned it. I never saw Him use a key, either. It just opened…" She stopped walking as she let her sentence drop. Suddenly her face broke into a smile. "I think I figured it out. But I'm not sure I can do anything without those books…Too bad his only copies are behind that door…" Her smile dropped and she started walking again.

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"The girl couldn't open it?" Lady Vinara asked. The three other people in the room turned their attention to her. The Higher Magicians had been silently contemplating the same problem. The Head Healer had her lips pursed. Her face was strained and there were black circles under her eyes. It was clear to all of them that she was overworking herself. 

"No." High Lord Balkan said. He didn't look much better than Vinara although his face wasn't quite as sunken as the Healers'.

"I'm sure she's working her hardest to find a solution. She alone among the other magicians is dedicating as much time to this School as we are." Lord Rothen, Head Alchemist and former guardian to Sonea, said, rising from his chair to pace the room.

"Yes. She has undoubtedly dedicated her life to this school. But are her motives good?" Lord Garrel, Head Warrior after Lord Balkan, grimaced. He had long hated the dwell-turned-Magician.

"I don't do anything for you." Sonea's cold voice came from the doorway. Her eyes narrowed towards the Head Warrior. She inclined her head towards each of the Higher Magicians.

"What are you doing here, Sonea?" Rothen broke his pace to go to his former apprentice.

"I came to speak with Lord Balkan. It's about the door." From the way she inclined her head towards the High Lord it was clear she didn't wish the rest of them to be here.

"You all may go." Balkan waved his hand in dismissal, sending the three Higher Magicians out of the room. Lord Garrel hesitated at the doorway.

"Perhaps you should have someone in here so we know she isn't going to…try anything." He suggested slyly. Sonea grimaced but held her head high, ignoring the Head Warrior.

"I trust Sonea, Lord Garrel. And I advise you to do the same." He turned his head away as the Head Warrior bowed and left with a harsh grimace on his face.

"Now Sonea, what were you saying?" Lord Balkan turned back to the girl in time to see a smile form back into the calm mask she had adopted. He let the edges of his mouth turn up slightly, the only sign of what he had seen.

"It's simple, really. I don't know why I didn't think of it before…" She reached for the door and exerted a slight flow of power into the handle. It swung open easily. She turned with a calm and determined expression to face Lord Balkan.

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Pony: Well, that's it for this chapter. Read and Review. 

Poneh: Also, I'd just like to say I don't remember if it says that Garrel does or does not get the position of Head Warrior. If he doesn't, for my fanfic he does. :)


	6. Fear Or Desire

Pony: Sorry it took so long. Nothing you don't already know in this chapter.

Poneh: Once again, we don't own Dorrien, Vinara, or Sonea.(Or any other characters mentioned in this story) They belong to Trudi Canavan.

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**Fear...Or Desire**

"I don't think I'm cut out for this." Sonea slumped into the chair she was sitting in. She lifted a hand to her hair and ran it through, moaning in distress.

"You're doing fine." Dorrien smiled and took the book from the table into his arms as he rose.

"I don't think I've made any progress at all." She groaned, standing up slowly. "It seems like we do the same thing again and again…" She stopped and smiled at him.

"Sorry about complaining. I'm just…I don't feel well." She got up quickly and just made it out the door before she was sick. Dorrien came up behind her, holding her hair out of the way. When she was done, she turned back around.

"Thank you." She said, the edge of her lip turned in a smile. "The past few days I haven't been feeling so well…" Her eyes grew distant. Suddenly, all color drained from her face.

"Are you okay, Sonea?" Dorrien's voice brought her back. She gave him a light smile.

"Fine. I just remembered I have a meeting with Lady Vinara." She composed herself quickly. "I don't want to keep her waiting." She strode off, not sparing a last glance for Dorrien.

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Sonea toyed with the idea the entire journey to Lady Vinara's rooms. She knew she could find out by opening her senses to her body but she held back. Reaching the Head Healer's quarters, her hand hesitated before striking the door. At last she let her hand fall, striking the wood timidly, half-hoping no one was in. Her expression tightened as the door opened and the Healer smiled. 

"Sonea. I wasn't expecting you." Her lips formed a smile, but her eyes betrayed her worry.

"I have a question, Lady Vinara." Her brows creased. She looked around, seeing a few other students, she added, "May I come in?" Vinara nodded and stepped back, closing the door behind the black clad Magician.

"Are you alright, Sonea?" Vinara asked.

"Ye…I'm not sure." She looked at the floor, then back to the older Magician. "I need to sit down." She hastily made her way over to the chairs Vinara indicated.

"I think I'm…" She hesitated, looking for a way around it. "Pregnant." She whispered the last word. "Can you tell for sure?" She looked up with hope in her eyes.

"I can tell, Sonea. But if you think I'll terminate this pregnancy I'll have to tell you what I tell everyone. I won't take a life." The Head Healer smiled grimly at the younger Magician.

"It's not like that, Lady Vinara." Sonea said. "It would…be a part of him still alive. I need this." Tears streamed down her face. Vinara was taken aback by her trembling hands and lips. She had never seen the girl so…vulnerable before. She nodded solemnly.

"Give me your hands." She took the girls hands into her own. The skin-to-skin contact let her extend her magic senses into the girls body. The faint heartbeat sound confirmed the girl's hopes. She drew back, allowing a relaxed smile to extend across her face.

"You're pregnant."

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Pony: To clear up any confusion, Pony and Poneh are the same person. xD 

Poneh: Thanks for all the reviews, everyone!

Commenting on Reviews:

laal ratty - That's what I remembered. And thanks. .


	7. Guilds Most Intresting Member

Pony: I'm finally updating!

Poneh: Heh. You totally forgot about this story.

Pony: -grins- I was so busy with school. But on the plus side, I just read the series again and realized I was missing a VERY important character.

Poneh: Yeah, whatever.

Pony: We all love Cery and Savara, but let's face it, none of the characters belongs to me, or anyone else besides Trudi Canavan. I bow to her brilliant characters.

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**Guild's Most Intresting Member**

Ceryni smiled, letting the afternoon breeze blow through his hair. He hadn't grown any and from the ground was sure he looked nothing more then a child. He enjoyed climbing this tree, right outside the city's wall. He knew Bol was close by, but for all purposes he was free to think and do as he pleased, and not just as a Thief.

His thoughts strayed to Sonea, as they often did. He regarded her as a sister and close friend. Although he hadn't had much time to talk since…he tried not to think of it. It had been months since then but it was painfully clear to him that she was upset, though she was good at hiding her feelings. That was another thing worrying him. The Sonea he had known would have wept for weeks, and then had it on her mind for years, if she ever got over it. But it seemed as though overnight Sonea had turned cold and uncaring. He was the only one to see that, by her silence, she was hurt beyond words but he still worried about bringing it up. Instead he had kept a close eye on her.

Before he knew it, it was time to get back to the city. He spared one last glance out into the land surrounding the city before climbing down. A lone figure caught his eye and he was surprised he hadn't seen her sooner. Even from his distance there was no way to mistake the woman as a native. He leapt nimbly to the ground and waited for her to get closer.

"Hai." He said, drawing her attention to him. Her broad features lit up, and he found himself admiring her beauty once again.

"Ceryni." She said, dismounting the horse she was riding. "You look well."

"As do you." Their parting was still fresh in his mind and though he had had opportunities, he had never felt any desire for another woman.

"I have something I need to discuss with you. It is about the Guild's most interesting member." He grimaced and nodded. Bol approached and nodded to Savara before wordlessly escorting them back to Cery's rooms.

Once there, Cery took out a bottle of Anuren Dark and poured a glass, silently motioning for her to join him at a table.

"What do you have to say about Sonea?" He asked, feeling no need to shy around the subject.

"My people have accumulated knowledge we feel she should know. The Ichani are weakened by the attack, but a few are rallying around a new leader, Jovari." She grimaced but pulled out a book from her bag. "Do you have a way to get it to her that will not draw attention to the subject?"

"Yes." He said, disturbed more then his calm mask let on. "But are you sure they want to invade us again?"

"We can't be sure of anything, but it seems they have the ear of the Sachakan King, who has talked of little else." Cery nodded.

"I'll make sure she gets the message."

"I'll be in town for a while. I was hoping you would have…entertainment for me."

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Pony: There we go. I'll try to update more often. Now that the plot is picking up(and yes I know how I'm planing on ending this series) it should be much faster. 

Response to Reviews:

Pheonix: I have read that series and I really love it. I can't choose if I like it better then BMT, but I'd say it's just the tiniest bit better.

And thanks to everyone else who reviewed!


	8. Letter for Sonea

**Miko: **So I'm finally updating. I'm really going to try and finish, but I won't make promises how quickly. I'm trying to decide if I can fit in my Dannyl/Tayend plot into this story or if it should just be a seperate one. Not sure yet.

**DISCLAIMER: **I own no one in this story. They all belong to Trudi Canavan.

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**Letter for Sonea**

"Sonea." The girl turned sharply as she heard her name.

"Sonea. Up here." She turned her attention to the tree beside her. Looking up it, she smiled widely.

"Cery!" He dropped to the ground and landed gracefully on his feet. He embraced Sonea tightly, not failing to notice that she didn't return the embrace with his enthusiasm. As usual, she looked perfectly normal – not even tired. He knew his own late nights had started to show on his face.

"What do I owe this pleasant surprise to?" She asked, smiling.

"I have something for you." He said. He pulled a book out of the bag he had slung across his shoulders. The book was large and without a title. Sonea looked at it curiously. "Savara brought it for you. It's information she said you would find useful." After leafing through several pages, Sonea frowned.

"I'm not supposed to have things like this Cery." She said, handing the book back. Cery crossed his arms and refused to take it. "If anyone caught me with this, I would be in serious trouble. You know that." She looked frustrated.

"Savara was adamant." He said. "Listen Sonea, I have to go. I'll try to come back sooner, okay? And don't let those high and mighty Magicians give you any rub. I expect you'll stand up to them about this."

"Fine, Cery." She said, waving to him as he jogged away down the path. Unconsciously, her hand moved to her stomach. It was still too early for her to be showing, but news of her pregnancy had spread rapidly among the Magicians. She still wasn't sure if she was happy about the attention it brought her, but anything was better then the cold silence that had followed after the discovery of her new position in the Guild.

"Sonea!" Dorrien was walking down the path and she turned to wait for him. She shifted the book so it was hidden in her robes.

"Hello, Dorrien." She said, allowing herself to smile at him. She had half dreaded that he would pick up with romance once he believed she was over Akkarin, but he had made no attempts to sway her attractions. "What are you doing in the gardens?"

"Actually, I was looking for you." He admitted. "I just heard your news. I wanted to congratulate you." She knew he was looking to guage her reaction so she kept her smile in place.

"Thank you, Dorrien." She said. "But it's still early. Something could happen." Even as she said the words her stomach threatened to turn on her. Her hand once again settled on her stomach, as if she could protect the baby.

"You're strong, Sonea." Dorrien said. "I have no doubt your baby will be too. So, are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" They settled into a comfortable stroll. For once, he matched his strides to hers so she wasn't nearly running to keep up.

"I haven't even thought about it yet." She admitted. "I'm still getting over the shock. I mean, it isn't like we planned this." It surprised her how easy it was to talk about Akkarin now. She didn't have to keep a conscious stream of magic to hold back her feelings, it was just a habit now.

"I'm here if you need any help, Sonea." Dorrien said hesitantly. She looked at him and he blushed lightly. She pretended not to notice as she smiled.

"Thank you, Dorrien. I appreciate it." They continued in awkward silence for a few moments before Sonea excused herself to her rooms. The walk back to the former High Lord's rooms was hard. She could hear and see Magicians she passed talking about her in hushed whispers and it took all her courage to keep her head up as she struggled not to run the final steps to the door. Inside, she let out a sigh of relief.

"My lady!" Tania was waiting in the first room, a wide smile lighting her face. "I just heard the news. I'm so happy for you. If there is anything I can do for either of you…"

"I just want to get some rest now, Tania." Sonea said. "But thank you for the offer." She escaped the over eager servant and retreated to the quiet of her own room. Only when she was certain the door was locked did she pull out the book Cery had given her.

_Now what's so important about this silly book. _She opened to the first few pages and started skimming when an envelope fell out. She saw her name written on the front and picked up the book.

_Sonea, _the note began. _I believe you may be facing another invasion, this one coming from the King of Sachaka himself. I and my allies have compiled a complete anthology of spells you may find useful. I included one you may be tempted to try for personal use, but I will warn you to use it only at great caution. The dead were not meant to come back into the world of the living. Your ally, Savara._


	9. Contemplation

**Pony: **I actually have three more chapters written and I'll put each new one up after I get one review. (: The next one is a lot longer, and I think it may be my favorite chapter so far.

I'm trying to make this seem more connected because as I went back I noticed it was just like a lot of little one-shots that had no obvious direction. But you can look forward to more Savara in the near future. I loved her in the book. Hehe.

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**Contemplation**

Sonea stayed up through the night reading the book Savara had left for her. In it, she had found hundreds of spells that she would love to try, but all of them would bring attention to her. In the back of the book, as promised, was a spell that could bring back the dead. No one knew how to do such a thing and Sonea wasn't eager to be the first to try. To resist the temptation, she had refused to even read the spell, but it was weighing on her mind as she sat down for her lessons with Lady Vinara. The Head of Healing noticed her discomfort but chose not to draw attention to it. The lesson was an easy one for Sonea to grasp, it was all about working in group healings. The principal was simple – one magician would supply power while the other would direct it to its purpose. Lady Vinara continued with examples when she finally gave up.

"Sonea, I know something is distracting you. If you would like to talk about it, I'm always here. Otherwise, try to keep your mind on the lesson." She couldn't keep the annoyance out of her voice. Teaching Sonea was nothing like she had imagined. She had been expecting to feel terrified to be alone with the young Black Magician, but Sonea was still the quiet novice she had always been.

"I'm sorry, Lady Vinara." Sonea said, snapping out of her daydream. "Is it the same principal of what A…Akkarin did with Dorrien in the South Pass? Akkarin," She took a breath. "Just supplied the power to Dorrien so he could heal himself." Lady Vinara smiled at the girl.

"I would not recommend you try that with anyone. Dorrien is a very capable healer, but many magicians are benefited from others working on them. When in pain, it is much harder to keep track of everything you must do to keep the body working. There was once a Warrior who was injured in a rock fall and when he tried to heal himself, he forgot to keep his heart beating." Sonea nodded, absorbed as always in the lesson.

"Why couldn't someone have just come along and started the heart again?" She asked. "Couldn't that have brought him back alive? Or put the magic back in him." She couldn't help but wonder what the book contained. Something had to work to bring a dead person back to life, so why had no one figured it out before.

"Well, with this particular magician, his body was destroyed after he died. However I believe your question could go for anyone." Vinara pursed her lips, trying to figure out if it was safe to tell Sonea the answer to her questions. "Many Healers have tried to bring corpses back to life, however it has never worked. Once the body dies and their energy is gone, the body starts decomposing. It rejects any healing we may try. It just glides off, as if the body is no more then…a pile of dirt, for example."

"Oh." Sonea frowned, trying to sort everything out in her head. "Thank you, Lady Vinara." Vinara was worried that her words were too harsh and that Sonea would start crying. It frightened her that the girl looked more pensive then anything.

"Would you like to end the lesson here for today?" Vinara asked.

"Yes please, Lady Vinara." She said, standing swiftly. "I would like to find Dorrien to ask him something, if you don't mind." Vinara just nodded, and Sonea left the classroom in a daze. Instead of going to seek out Dorrien, Sonea found herself wandering in the gardens.

As she admired the exotic flowers, she couldn't stop her thoughts from going back to the book Cery had given her. After he had explained about Savara, she had nursed angry feelings for the Sachakan woman. If she had been able to help, Akkarin would not have died. One more magician that strong would have made all the difference to the fight, but the woman had kept her silence. Even now Sonea had never seen the foreign magician who had captured Cery's heart. She scowled when she saw several novices eyeing her suspiciously. The guild had taken in a larger class then normal in the hopes of building up their numbers once again. She was certain that every one of them had been told to stop and gawk at her if they saw her, as if she was some kind of freak. The robes she wore did nothing to keep her anonymous. The black stuck out in any crowd.

"You have to expect them to look at you like that by now." Sonea turned at the familiar voice. She still found it hard to think that Regin, once her greatest tormentor, was now her closest friend. She made a face at him and he laughed.

"That doesn't mean I have to like it." She said. "How were your classes today?" She asked. She was still jealous that she had been banned from classes, but had taken the punishment in stride. She was just amazed that they had not confined her in a small room for the rest of her life.

"Not quite as interesting without you around to torment." He said, sounding vaguely disappointed. Sonea laughed at him.

"As I recall, that didn't always work out so well for you." They had meandered through the gardens right back to the courtyard in front of the University. The number of magicians was greatly decreased, but all of them seemed to focus on her as she walked past them with Regin. Evidently, her companion must have made some gesture, because a group of novices close to them looked away quickly and hurried on their way.

"I should get going, Sonea." Regin said. "Unlike you, I have work to catch up on." They said goodbye quickly before Regin headed off in the direction of the library. Without the distraction, Sonea found her thoughts back on the book.


	10. Burial Ceremony

**Miko: **I didn't want to post it too soon after, but I didn't mean the delay to be this long. Sorry.

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.**

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**Burial Ceremony**

"I was hoping to find you here, Sonea." It had been a few days since Sonea had read the book, but she still refused to read the last chapter, though it was never far from her mind. She had just begun trying to think of all the ways you could restart a human's heart when Rothen came into the library.

"Hello, Rothen." Sonea said, smiling. "I haven't seen you in ages." Truth was, she still felt guilty for betraying Rothen's trust. Though the Alchemist had assured her he understood her reasoning, she couldn't look at him without remembering the shame and disappointment that had been in his eyes at her hearing.

"I think we both know that you were ignoring me, Sonea." He said. She flushed slightly but didn't deny it. "I'd love if you could join me for dinner this coming Freeday after the…ceremony." He said. "I miss your company."

"I miss you too, Rothen." She said. "But right now I'm really busy with a joint healing project Lady Vinara has set for me and Dorrien." Rothen frowned at her and she resisted the urge to squirm under his gaze.

"I'll see you on Freeday, then." He said. "And no excuses or I'll have to get Dorrien and Regin to help me convince you." Sonea knew that her friendship with Regin still upset Rothen, but she had given up trying to explain to anyone.

"Of course." She said. "I'll see you then."

***

Sonea stood apart from the rest of the Guild as the names were read and the respective bodies were placed in the ground. Fifty-two magicians had lost their life that day, just over two weeks ago. The ceremony was led by Lord Balkan and Lady Vinara, who had seemed to grow closer during the past two weeks. Sonea stood near the end of the row of bodies, eyes never leaving Balkan's face to glance at the ones beside her. As there was no tradition for burying a magician, they had set up their own ceremony. Each body was accompanied by the magician's closest friend or family member. No one had come to claim Akkarin or Lorlen, both of their families still away while their residences in the city were being repaired. Sonea had agreed to stand in for both of them.

She watched Lord Yarrin standing beside the body of Gennyl, one of the novices from her first class who had been killed in the invasion. His titles were read out as Lord Yarrin lifted the body and set it gently in its grave. He shifted the dirt to cover the body and carved the boy's name, family and house on the rock that was used as a headstone. Several magicians had added decorations or epithets, but Lord Yarrin left his blank. The ceremony progressed and soon they were almost to Lorlen. Sonea chocked back a sob as Lady Vinara turned to face her.

"Sonea, do you claim the body of Administrator Lorlen?" She spoke the words loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I do." Sonea was surprised that she spoke so clearly.

"Then set him to rest for all time. Give him his place in history." Lord Balkan said. "And you may speak any words you feel he is due."

"Lorlen always looked out for me." Sonea said. "He never looked at me different because of where I was from. He was a kind, trusting person who does not deserve the fate he was dealt." Through her speech she had set him in his tomb and covered him. She knelt in the dirt and placed her hand on the rock. Under her fingers it twisted until it was smooth and white. In elegant script she wrote his name, family and house. Under that she drew a picture of a flower. "May he rest in peace."

Next came the part she was dreading the most. Though she had used excessive energy for Lorlen's grave, she was not even beginning to tire. Akkarin's body lay still, almost as if he could wake and smile at her for believing his bluff. But under the robes she knew his heart was pierced. He would never watch her with a smile when he thought she didn't notice. She let a single tear roll down her cheek before turning back to face Lady Vinara and Lord Balkan.

"Sonea, do you claim the body of the former High Lord Akkarin?" Lady Vinara asked for the second time.

"I do." She said. Balkan repeated his part of the ceremony again, but this time Sonea said nothing as she lifted the body. Instead of covering it with dirt, she shifted it so it was pure sand that covered his grave. She heated a layer of it and set it on the top of the grave. Under the heat and pressure of her magic, it turned to clear glass. Before she had lowered the body, she had laid a spell to preserve his body. The spell would draw strength from her own body, but so little it was of no consequence. She shaped the rock into an arch at the head of the grave and wrote his name, house and family. Under that, she added her own epithet; _He gave everything for those he loved most._ When she was finished she let the stream of healing break and she fell to the ground and cried. No one stepped forward to stop her and she wasn't sure how long she lay on top of the grave she had just made. Finally, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Rothen looking at her sadly, tears in his eyes.

"I miss him, Rothen." She said. "I miss him so much it hurts. Doesn't it ever get better?" She knew she was a mess, covered in dirt and muck and tears.

"In time." He said. "In time you will be able to move on. But it never goes away. You just need to come to accept it, but no one can help you with that." They stayed in silence for several more minutes before Sonea stood with a sigh. The light had gone from the sky and most of the other magicians were in their quarters.

"I owe you a meal now, don't I?" Sonea asked, walking away from the gravesite. Rothen chuckled and followed her.

"I believe you do." He said. They walked together to his quarters where Tania had already set up a small dinner. Rothen smiled at his former servant.

"Ah, Tania." He said. "It's nice to see you again. I swear it hasn't been the same since you left." Tania smiled at him fondly.

"I tidied your rooms, Lord Rothen." She said. "I don't know how you could ever get anything done with the mess you'd collected in there." With those words for parting, she chuckled and left the room.

"Thank you for letting her come with me." Sonea said. "It is nice to have a friendly face every day." The thought of facing each morning was hard enough. At least with Tania there she was forced to pretend she was alive.

"I thought they let Takan stay with you." He said, sitting down at starting to eat.

"Yes." She said, sitting opposite him. "But we were never close. And he is more distant now. He just cooks. But it's more then that. He treats me as if…" _As if I were Akkarin. _She didn't need to speak the words. Takan had adopted that servile role once Akkarin died and while she was grateful to the Sachakan man, it was irritating at times.

"So how are your lessons with Lady Vinara going so far? Dorrien tells me you are progressing quickly." Sonea scoffed at that. She had spent the past week trying in vain to memorize the names and uses of herbs. So far she could only remember a handful of the more common ones. Lady Vinara's lessons were slightly easier, as they dealt more with magic and less with memorization, but she was still having a difficult time channeling the energy gently through the tubes they were using as practice veins.

"I believe she muttered something about an avalanche being gentler then I am." Sonea said. Rothen burst out laughing and Sonea frowned. "It's not as easy as you make it seem."

"I'm sorry." Rothen said. "Things have come so easy for you that it seems you don't realize how difficult it is for the rest of us." Sonea scowled at him but said nothing. "There has been talk of you rejoining your novice class." He said.

"Ha." She said. "They don't trust me, Rothen. I see them looking at me like I'm a wild animal who will attack at any moment." She spoke the words as a joke, but she couldn't keep the bitterness from her tone.

"Give it time, Sonea. They let you stay, thank the gods. They just don't know you well enough to know you would never hurt anyone. Akkarin's betrayal came as a shock to everyone." Sonea bit her lip and played with the food on her plate for a moment. She knew it was childish after all she had been through, but she still wished everything could go back to normal.

"I know you're right." She said. "But it doesn't make it any easier. There are only three people in this entire city who don't look at me like I'm a monster. You, Dorrien, and Regin." She didn't miss Rothen's frown at Regin's name.

"I know you don't like Regin still, but he's different." Ever since the invasion, he had totally changed. When he had found her with the Thieves, he had seemed to understand that she wasn't the same person anymore. Coming so close to death had changed him, too. She had to admit that she could see why her fellow novices had rallied around the boy. He had a way of deferring to others as if they were equals. Only she still recognized when he was actually leading them to his view on a subject.

"It just seems like your entire time here you spent avoiding him and now I hardly see you two apart." He sniffed uncomfortably.

"We're apart plenty." She said. "We may have become friends, but that doesn't mean I can bear being around him for long. He's still unbearably stuck-up." That made Rothen laugh and Sonea couldn't help but join in.

"And what about Cery?" Rothen prompted. Sonea frowned. Ever since Cery had found out just how powerful she was, he looked at her differently. She had always known their friendship would be hard once she was a magician, but before the Black Magic incident Cery hadn't acted any differently. Now, though, he seemed uncomfortable to be around her. All she could hope was that in time he would come to accept her again.

"I'm not sure." She admitted. "We're not the same people we were a month ago. We're growing apart, I think." From there the conversation turned to lighter conversation; the food, the latest building projects. Sonea was almost sad when she left his rooms a few hours later. For the first time in two weeks she had felt as if everything could be normal again. Upon stepping out, she was once again the center of attention. Now more then ever she wished she could become invisible.


	11. Unlikely Allies

**Pony: **Blah. I'm not promising updates. I'll finish eventually. Hopefully it won't be too long between. If you haven't read the newest book, you should. It is quite awesome to say the least. Some of the characters are pretty much repeats of ones in the BMT, though. *cough*DakonandRothen*cough*

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**"Unlikely Allies"**

She knew it was a dream. But even though her mind knew it was just a dream, that didn't stop her from wishing it was real.

_She watched the last of the three Ichani crumple to the ground, mouths distorted in pain, limbs twisted. She felt a numb satisfaction. It was over at last. She took her hand off the wall of the building and turned to Akkarin. He was still bleeding, and it was only when his hand squeezed hers gently that she knew he was still alive. She felt inside for her power, and felt it flagging. It would be enough. It had to be._

_The healing took a long time because she kept losing control of her magic, letting it slip out of her reach. She shook her head and started again. Akkarin's breathing settled and he smiled at her with eyes unclouded by pain. _

"_We won." Sonea said, standing up and helping Akkarin up on shaky feet. They stood together waiting for the Guild Magicians to approach them. As they walked closer, she shrunk into Akkarin's side, taking comfort in his arm resting on her shoulder. Everything would be okay, because he would explain it. They would take whatever punishment in stride. They were together._

Sonea woke with a smile on her lips. She turned over, looking for Akkarin only to remember the previous day's ceremony. He was buried in the ground. He wasn't alive to bear the punishment with her. She was alone.

Looking out the window, she realized that the sun hadn't risen yet. She slipped out of bed, wrapping a blanket around herself. She made it to the door before looking back and seeing the book lying on the table beside the bed. She hovered in the doorway for a moment before crossing the room to grab the book. For some reason, she felt the need to take it with her. She moved through the house quietly so as not to wake Takan or Tania before they had to get up. She left a note for Tania, but she was sure she would be back before anyone noticed she was missing.

No one was walking around the Guild this early as Sonea made her way to the graves. She stopped by each one on her way to her destination, bowing her head in gratitude for each life lost. At each one she placed a hand on the marker stone and murmured her thanks. At Lorlens, she lingered longer. She was putting off the inevitable. Finally, she moved to Akkarin's. It was set by itself. Looking down, she could see the shape of his body under the glass she had created. She smiled sadly and sat beside it, leaning on the headstone.

"What would you do, Akkarin?" She asked softly. "I wish you had to make the choice, and not me. I…I'm afraid to even read the spell, for fear that once I know I won't be able to resist. Would you be able to? Would you even want me? We were alone out there. You probably thought we were going to die and you didn't want to die alone. You could have your pick of women now. I bet you would choose one and forget me." She shook her head. She knew that he loved her.

"I'm pregnant." She said. "I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, but it's yours. I feel bad, that it's going to be born without ever knowing you. But is that reason enough to try magic like this?" He didn't answer her, and after sitting there a moment she pulled out the book and opened it to the last chapter. She read the words carefully, trying not to build up too much hope. The procedure was extraordinarily difficult and required so much strength Sonea didn't know how she could even find it. All hopes of her bringing back Akkarin were gone before she finished the page.

_The art of bringing back a dead magician is one that is only taught to a few magicians. To do this, you must have a part of the dead person that has been infused with magic. Some magicians make a habit of giving a lock of hair infused with their magic to a loved one. It is also essential that the body of the magician is intact, or can be healed quickly after the sealing has taken place. _

_The raising of the dead requires half a dozen magicians of average strength or one higher magician. The more power can be accumulated the better chance of success. The first step would be to bind the part of the magician to his or her body. You then must follow from there and promote the body to regrow that magic and seal it to the body. Once sealed, the heart must be manually made to pump. _

_The trick is the last part. If the body has been dead for too long, the sealing will be rejected and every magician in the working is in danger from the rebounding magic. If the sealing takes, the body will be alive and must be healed quickly. It is then up the spirit of the body to return if it wishes. Many times bodies just remain in a stasis until the magician holding the sealing releases it. _

Sonea finished reading the section and resisted the urge to throw the book far, far away. To bring anyone back from the dead, even Akkarin, went against everything in her. Once dead, it was impossible to come back. And would he even be the same person he had been? If he was, she knew he would never forgive her. The power she would have to use would be a waste, he would argue. _No. He is dead. And it is not in my power to make the choice to bring him back. No one has that right. _Coming to a conclusion seemed to set her at ease. _Besides, I don't have anything of his infused with his magic._

She was just about to close the book when she heard footsteps coming towards her. In a panic, she shoved the book under the blanket lying next to her and strained her eyes to see who was approaching. She recognized a woman's shape, and from the clothing knew whoever it was wasn't Kyralian. She drew her power and prepared to strike the woman before she realized it wasn't Avala. Avala was dead. Her next thought was that it was another Ichani come to check the guild, but the woman smiled.

"I'm not here to fight you, Sonea." She said, sauntering to stand beside the black magician. "I'm Cery's friend."

"Why are you here?" Sonea asked, still wary of the stranger who must be Savara. She couldn't help look at the woman and hate her for not stepping in to save Akkarin.

"I'm here to offer the help of my people." She said. "I just received word that the King has decided to invade Kyralia."

"Why didn't you help against the Ichani? Maybe Akkarin would still be alive if you had. You killed him!" Sonea closed her eyes and had to consciously stop herself from attacking the woman. From the way Savara instinctively stepped back and lifted her right hand to her waist, Sonea knew this magician knew her way around a weapon.

"It was out of my control, but I am truly sorry for your loss." To Sonea's surprise, there were tears in the woman's eyes. "I saw how much he meant to you. If it helps at all, I lost the man I loved to the Ichani as well. It took time, but I did move on. I would have helped if I realized what your High Lord was going to do. By the time I realized, there was nothing I could have done."

"Then how can you help this time?" Sonea asked. She clasped her hands together and twisted the ring on her finger. Savara's attention was drawn to the ring but she said nothing. "It's Akkarin's." Sonea supplied.

"Of course." Savara said. "Well, I don't know what Cery has told you about my people, but we were in good standing with the King until the Ichani brought the new of the Guild's weakness. Our two factions have always held a grudge against each other. Now that we are out of favor, we are free to do whatever we want without worrying about the consequence. If you accept our offer, we can have a dozen higher magicians here within a week and nearly twenty more within a month."

"I can't accept your offer." Sonea said. "I have no standing in the guild. I could get you a meeting with High Lord Balkan, though." The Sachakan's face went dark, and she shook her head, lips pursed.

"They will only deal with you." She said. "They don't…they don't consider the Guild to have any power, since they do not practice higher magic. It's your approval they want."

"I…I can't." Sonea said. "It isn't my choice. And…Well, to be honest, I don't think that Lor – that High Lord Balkan would accept help. Let alone the King. There are some hard feelings." Savara didn't flinch, just looked at Sonea blankly.

"I'm sorry." Sonea whispered. "If High Lord Balkan agrees, then I will as well. Would you accept that?" The Sachakan snorted and nodded reluctantly.

"If I must." She said. "Though you should not have to bend to them. You could beat all of them even without taking power. I do not understand why you allow them to dictate your life. Especially after the price you had to pay."

"I took an oath." Sonea said. She didn't expect the other woman to understand. With every word it became clearer and clearer just how different they were. Cery had spoken highly of this woman, but Sonea doubted they would ever be more than unwilling allies. "And they let me stay. That's more than I could have hoped for."

"Perhaps when you see what you should be, you will change your mind." Savara shrugged. "I suggest you strengthen yourself before my people get here. Use the source slave you have. Or does that go against your guild?"

"I promised I wouldn't." Sonea whispered. She saw the other woman's glare turn harder, if that was possible, and cringed. "But…I guess I don't have a choice."

"I'll come back during the day to meet with your High Lord. Cery will come tell you of the result." Savara turned to stride away but Sonea took a step after her.

"Thank you." She said. "For the book. It's…It has taught me a lot." Savara didn't say anything, but nodded slightly. When she walked away, Sonea watched after her. Something about the Sachakan made her uneasy. The woman was clearly very powerful, and was used to getting things her own way. Sonea hoped that if their offer of help was accepted, it wouldn't backfire. It was almost enough to get her mind off the spell she had just learned.


End file.
